This past week in Unholy Book Club, a book club where we Satanists and those interested in Satanic written philosophy gather to discuss it, we reviewed “The Satanic Warlock” by Magister Dr. Robert Johnson. It’s a book which has been in my “Must read” list for some time, but I never had the excuse to order it before I lead a round of discussion. The topic I chose to talk about was the 6 Satanic Laws of Power. I felt as if I could personally verify some of them due to my own experiences and I wanted to hear some of the thoughts of some of the other Unholy Book Club attendees. Magister Dr. Robert Johnson explains to us in The Satanic Warlock what he considers to be the Six Laws of Satanic Power. Clearly, since this is written with the male warlock in mind, a male warlock would be able to apply these to their own lives, but what of the female witch? The answer? Read on.

Nobody knows everything, and everybody's wrong about something! What's important is that we recognize our weaknesses and our misconceptions and endeavor to correct them. I won't pretend that I'm some sage-like-figure when it comes to Satanism: I can only speak for my own experiences and that's what I'm going to share with you now. Sometimes we tend to forget that everyone's path in Satanism is a little bit different. We read the Satanic Bible and see ourselves within the pages, but are we also imposing our understanding on other people as well? Here you'll find nine of the top misunderstandings that I've seen Satanists hold without reserve! What do you think? Are you guilty of any of these, or are you cleverer than the average Satanist?

That’s right, a Satanic Goddess. Can you imagine what it’d be like to date one? I’ve heard that we Satanic women are far and few in-between, and I can only speculate the reason since the claim itself is rather unverifiable due to the clandestine statistics of the matter. Luckily for you, I’ve done both: dated a Satanist and a non-Satanist. As a matter of fact, I’ve only ever dated one Satanist, but the experience stood out to me as one of the most—well, I’ll tell all about it. Before I do however, I’d like to remind everyone that this is the account of one experience, and in no way am I saying that every experience is going to match mine. I’ve dated men, and I’ve dated one woman. The boys were all pastor’s sons with the exception of one—Yes, I seem to attract a certain personality type, don’t I? It should come as no surprise to you, as I am exactly what I am… Let’s get our hands dirty. There are three main courses of a relationship that we’re going to break down here: physicality, intellect, and spirituality.

Satanism is not a religion that you can convert to. According to our founder, Anton LaVey, all Satanists are born Satanists, not made Satanists. There is no initiation ritual. There is no vow or commitment that can help you “become” a Satanist. You’ll never hear us proselytizing to you or luring you to the dark side, and it’s not because we’re the narcissistic elite who think ourselves better, nor is it because we’d judge you as unworthy for bending at the knee to a god with mind-sterilizing dominion (though you really…should probably reconsider that decision, perhaps.). That impenetrable shroud which folds the line between our ways leaves many of you to wonder: what is it like to be born into Satanism? You crave to know the secrecy that happens behind the curtain, so allow me to draw it back for you and confront you with the world-shattering truth: nobody is actually born into Satanism. Blasphemer! Heretic! The Satanic Bible states otherwise, Witch, as you, yourself, have only seconds ago stated! Don’t worry, curious friend. Take a walk with me and let’s talk about how the world turns.